The love between a parent and child is perhaps the greatest love there is. It is an unconditional love with so many different levels. Being a stay at home mother and having the luxury of being with my children all of the time can sometimes cause me to forget just how lucky I am to have them. Fortunate for me at least once a day one of my girls does something to give me a reminder of just how wonderful they make my life.
Both of my daughters are too young to say "I love you," still, but I find it so amazing that they find so many different ways to tell me. At times Evalyn will be in her swing or on the floor wiggling around and when she hears my voice or catches a glimpse of me I notice a small smile or grin. When she is fussy (not hungry) and wants to be held, as soon as I pick her up she calms right down. This shows me her love because with me she feels safe and knows that she too is loved.
With Loreli things are a bit different. She can express emotions and has her own way of talking, but has yet to get into deep conversations. Loreli expresses her love in so many different ways, whether she gives you her wide smile, showing all of her teeth and moving her cheeks so much her eyes close, or signing "I love you." Some nights Loreli will have "binge kiss" time, when she wants nothing to do but to kiss her father and I.
There are so many different ways my girls express themselves and fill my heart with joy. Love is the biggest and most incredible of them all.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
True Love
You never really understand love until you have a child. Becoming a parent will test every relationship you have in life. Love between partners can either become stronger or dwindle and disappear. If the love is strong enough to make it through numerous nights of not sleeping, hormones raging and babies crying then you know it's a forever kind of love.
In the last few months my husband and I have been through quite a bit and I am extremely proud to say that today we are stronger as a couple and in our love. We have handled me being laid off from my second job in a year, giving birth to our second child in 14 months, being delayed in receiving our much anticipated and needed tax return, me going through postpartum depression, and a number of smaller events in such a short amount of time. The events we have faced in the last few months would be enough to break a person or a relationship, but we have come out stronger than ever.
I believe strongly that the presence of our children and love that we share for them are what keep our love for each other so strong. We take on each day together as a team whether the day is filled with endless screaming and tears or countless giggles and smiles. Knowing that we created these two wonderful human beings together and we spend each day working to give them the best life possible, and we do that as a team bonds us more and more each day.
When my husband and I first started dating we fell in love very quickly. We moved so fast through the life steps in our relationship (e.g. house, engagement, marriage, kids) that we didn't allow very much time to test our love and our commitment. When we first fell in love I would look at James and see the man of my dreams. Now when I look at James I see the father of my children, the provider of our family, my partner in parenting and in life.
James is no longer the man of my dreams but now my daily reality, the man of my life. Now when I look at him, I see the man who was with me every single step of the way through two pregnancies, who shared in my ups and downs. I see the man who delivered our child, who has never said no when I asked for help with late night feedings or overloaded stinky diapers. I see the man who has been my rock through times of financial difficulty, who has cried with me when it was necessary and dried my tears and picked me up when needed. When I look at the man I have devoted my life to I am proud to call him my husband.
I never really knew what love was until I had children. Having my two daughters has not only shown me true love towards my husband, it has also taught me the undying love a parent has for their child. With my oldest who is almost 16 months old, I am amazed daily by her ability to learn so fast. Every single day Loreli brightens my life whether she does it by saying a new word or spontaneously coming up with a new dance move, there is not one day that goes by that I am not fascinated by her complete love of life. Looking at Evalyn who is just shy of 2 months old fills my heart with complete happiness and love. Knowing what lays ahead for my girls, knowing that I brought these two amazing humans into the world and what they will experience... it completes me in every way.
After having Evalyn and experiencing some unexpected alterations in our plans and life, I began to notice that I was showing signs of postpartum depression. I was thinking things and feelings things I never thought or understood a mother and a wife could go through. It was an incredible struggle the first few weeks. My doctor put me on a very high dose of antidepressants, which made me like a zombie. I actually blacked out and could not remember events and things I'd said and done. Three days of that and I was done with the antidepressants. I realize that depression can be just as much chemical as it is physical, but I believe that every day I overcome the negative thinking and feeling through either exercise or being with my family. On my darkest and hardest days my husband and daughters have picked me up just with their smiles.
In the last few months my husband and I have been through quite a bit and I am extremely proud to say that today we are stronger as a couple and in our love. We have handled me being laid off from my second job in a year, giving birth to our second child in 14 months, being delayed in receiving our much anticipated and needed tax return, me going through postpartum depression, and a number of smaller events in such a short amount of time. The events we have faced in the last few months would be enough to break a person or a relationship, but we have come out stronger than ever.
I believe strongly that the presence of our children and love that we share for them are what keep our love for each other so strong. We take on each day together as a team whether the day is filled with endless screaming and tears or countless giggles and smiles. Knowing that we created these two wonderful human beings together and we spend each day working to give them the best life possible, and we do that as a team bonds us more and more each day.
When my husband and I first started dating we fell in love very quickly. We moved so fast through the life steps in our relationship (e.g. house, engagement, marriage, kids) that we didn't allow very much time to test our love and our commitment. When we first fell in love I would look at James and see the man of my dreams. Now when I look at James I see the father of my children, the provider of our family, my partner in parenting and in life.
James is no longer the man of my dreams but now my daily reality, the man of my life. Now when I look at him, I see the man who was with me every single step of the way through two pregnancies, who shared in my ups and downs. I see the man who delivered our child, who has never said no when I asked for help with late night feedings or overloaded stinky diapers. I see the man who has been my rock through times of financial difficulty, who has cried with me when it was necessary and dried my tears and picked me up when needed. When I look at the man I have devoted my life to I am proud to call him my husband.
I never really knew what love was until I had children. Having my two daughters has not only shown me true love towards my husband, it has also taught me the undying love a parent has for their child. With my oldest who is almost 16 months old, I am amazed daily by her ability to learn so fast. Every single day Loreli brightens my life whether she does it by saying a new word or spontaneously coming up with a new dance move, there is not one day that goes by that I am not fascinated by her complete love of life. Looking at Evalyn who is just shy of 2 months old fills my heart with complete happiness and love. Knowing what lays ahead for my girls, knowing that I brought these two amazing humans into the world and what they will experience... it completes me in every way.
After having Evalyn and experiencing some unexpected alterations in our plans and life, I began to notice that I was showing signs of postpartum depression. I was thinking things and feelings things I never thought or understood a mother and a wife could go through. It was an incredible struggle the first few weeks. My doctor put me on a very high dose of antidepressants, which made me like a zombie. I actually blacked out and could not remember events and things I'd said and done. Three days of that and I was done with the antidepressants. I realize that depression can be just as much chemical as it is physical, but I believe that every day I overcome the negative thinking and feeling through either exercise or being with my family. On my darkest and hardest days my husband and daughters have picked me up just with their smiles.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Let Me Tell You About My Day...
My husband and I have a 15 month old toddler named Loreli and a one month old baby named Evalyn. We have started switching off nights with Evalyn and this way we both get sleep... eventually. Last night was my night to sleep in and when my husband, James woke me up this morning I felt as if I had just gone to bed. I was groggy and probably could have slept another ten or more hours.
My husband was quickly out the door to head off to work and Loreli had just woken up and was in her high chair enjoying a blueberry muffin. Loreli sat in her chair just long enough for me to wash the dishes that were in the sink and clean up her mess of muffin crumbs. We then started our morning with a nice, funny baby talk session. I sat in the recliner with Evalyn in my left arm and Loreli on my lap. Loreli insisted on taking her pajamas off (as usual)and put on her wonderful charm while I videotaped her on the IPod. This was the end of my wonderful morning.
After a nice babble session with the girls I received a phone call from the supervisor of our tax advocate. I could go on and on about this subject and this phone call but I'll save that for another blog. Needless to say I didn't receive good news about the status of our tax return and I was pretty upset about it. Evalyn was extremely alert and wiggly so I laid out her blanket on top of her play mat and put her down. Loreli usually likes to play with her little sister's toes and hands and kiss her a bunch but today she decided she wanted to try to step on her and be naughty. After a few attempts of telling her no I finally settled on a spanking, which I hardly ever do.
The morning continued with Evalyn being extremely fussy and both girls wanting me to hold them. Of course I can only hold Evalyn when I'm feeding her and the girl wanted to eat nearly every half hour for three hours and Loreli is still not okay with being told no to being held when her sister is. It was a morning of crying, screaming, biting and headaches. At noon I decided Loreli needed a nap since she was showing many signs of being tired. Evalyn started crying every single time Loreli was just falling asleep for an hour and a half straight. When I finally got Loreli to sleep and put into her bed Evalyn was in full fledged scream mode and needed to be fed again. Loreli slept for two hours. It seemed as if the only way to keep Evalyn quiet was to hold her close and rub her back. Every time I thought that she was fast asleep and I tried closing my eyes she would cry again.
**HERE IS WHERE IT GETS CRAZY**
After two hours of napping Loreli woke up and was ready to get out of bed. Evalyn was still fussy so I put Loreli in her high chair, got her lunch together and fed her all while snuggling Evalyn close. Loreli thought it would be more fun to throw and spit the food in my face instead of eating it. After a while I gave up on giving Loreli lunch and put a handful of her crunchy snacks in her snack cup. Just when my lunch was ready to eat of course Miss Evalyn was also ready to eat again. I set my food next to my recliner and gave Evalyn a bottle. Loreli decided to stand near the entrance to the kitchen and whine. I tried to give her a drink... she didn't want it. I tried to give her another snack... she didn't want it. Eventually I gave up and ignored the tantrum and Loreli got the hint and started playing.
As I was feeding Evalyn I looked over to Loreli standing and bouncing on the couch, snack cup in one hand, a handful of crunches in the other. I look down and there are crunches all over the couch... in a puddle of poop that was running from Loreli's (Miss Needs To Be Naked All The Time) diaper, down her leg, all over her feet and smushed into the couch. Evalyn was mid-gulp on her bottle when I quickly plopped her into her swing, grabbed Loreli holding her at arms length and ran her into the bathroom and into the tub. As I tried to wash the poop off of her as fast as possible Loreli tried to play in it as much as possible. When I finally got Loreli clean and a new diaper on I wiped down the couch the best I could and went on to feeding Evalyn, who had been screaming the whole time I was tending to Loreli.
At this point in the day I was ready to run out of the house screaming and guzzle a whole bottle of wine! I thought there was no possible way the day could get any worse... and then as I'm finishing Evalyn's feeding Loreli rips off her diaper, grabs her blanket and runs into her Cozy Coupe... and pees. I sat in the recliner with Evalyn in my arms and just stared. All I could think was, "There is no way that just happened."
I cleaned up the Cozy Coupe, Loreli and got her into a new diaper. I scarfed down my lunch as fast as possible, got Evalyn some gas drops and rocked her until my mom came over. Evalyn was dead asleep during my moms visit and Loreli played and giggled the whole time. My mom left and there was only about half an hour until my husband was expected to walk through the door. I got up and went into the nursery to change Evalyn when all of a sudden I hear a loud noise in the kitchen. Loreli had reached and grabbed her can of crunches from the table, opened the can and 75% of it was sprawled across the kitchen floor. I finished changing Evalyn, made a new bottle for her, shrugged my shoulders and left Loreli to eat off the floor.
Let's just say that when my husband finally walked through the door around 7:20 pm I was more than happy to toss the girls his way. Thankfully he decided to give me a break and take the girls to his parents house for a little while. I can see one of the events from today happening but all of them at once... it was like being in a movie. At the end of the day all I can do is laugh.
My husband was quickly out the door to head off to work and Loreli had just woken up and was in her high chair enjoying a blueberry muffin. Loreli sat in her chair just long enough for me to wash the dishes that were in the sink and clean up her mess of muffin crumbs. We then started our morning with a nice, funny baby talk session. I sat in the recliner with Evalyn in my left arm and Loreli on my lap. Loreli insisted on taking her pajamas off (as usual)and put on her wonderful charm while I videotaped her on the IPod. This was the end of my wonderful morning.
After a nice babble session with the girls I received a phone call from the supervisor of our tax advocate. I could go on and on about this subject and this phone call but I'll save that for another blog. Needless to say I didn't receive good news about the status of our tax return and I was pretty upset about it. Evalyn was extremely alert and wiggly so I laid out her blanket on top of her play mat and put her down. Loreli usually likes to play with her little sister's toes and hands and kiss her a bunch but today she decided she wanted to try to step on her and be naughty. After a few attempts of telling her no I finally settled on a spanking, which I hardly ever do.
The morning continued with Evalyn being extremely fussy and both girls wanting me to hold them. Of course I can only hold Evalyn when I'm feeding her and the girl wanted to eat nearly every half hour for three hours and Loreli is still not okay with being told no to being held when her sister is. It was a morning of crying, screaming, biting and headaches. At noon I decided Loreli needed a nap since she was showing many signs of being tired. Evalyn started crying every single time Loreli was just falling asleep for an hour and a half straight. When I finally got Loreli to sleep and put into her bed Evalyn was in full fledged scream mode and needed to be fed again. Loreli slept for two hours. It seemed as if the only way to keep Evalyn quiet was to hold her close and rub her back. Every time I thought that she was fast asleep and I tried closing my eyes she would cry again.
**HERE IS WHERE IT GETS CRAZY**
After two hours of napping Loreli woke up and was ready to get out of bed. Evalyn was still fussy so I put Loreli in her high chair, got her lunch together and fed her all while snuggling Evalyn close. Loreli thought it would be more fun to throw and spit the food in my face instead of eating it. After a while I gave up on giving Loreli lunch and put a handful of her crunchy snacks in her snack cup. Just when my lunch was ready to eat of course Miss Evalyn was also ready to eat again. I set my food next to my recliner and gave Evalyn a bottle. Loreli decided to stand near the entrance to the kitchen and whine. I tried to give her a drink... she didn't want it. I tried to give her another snack... she didn't want it. Eventually I gave up and ignored the tantrum and Loreli got the hint and started playing.
As I was feeding Evalyn I looked over to Loreli standing and bouncing on the couch, snack cup in one hand, a handful of crunches in the other. I look down and there are crunches all over the couch... in a puddle of poop that was running from Loreli's (Miss Needs To Be Naked All The Time) diaper, down her leg, all over her feet and smushed into the couch. Evalyn was mid-gulp on her bottle when I quickly plopped her into her swing, grabbed Loreli holding her at arms length and ran her into the bathroom and into the tub. As I tried to wash the poop off of her as fast as possible Loreli tried to play in it as much as possible. When I finally got Loreli clean and a new diaper on I wiped down the couch the best I could and went on to feeding Evalyn, who had been screaming the whole time I was tending to Loreli.
At this point in the day I was ready to run out of the house screaming and guzzle a whole bottle of wine! I thought there was no possible way the day could get any worse... and then as I'm finishing Evalyn's feeding Loreli rips off her diaper, grabs her blanket and runs into her Cozy Coupe... and pees. I sat in the recliner with Evalyn in my arms and just stared. All I could think was, "There is no way that just happened."
I cleaned up the Cozy Coupe, Loreli and got her into a new diaper. I scarfed down my lunch as fast as possible, got Evalyn some gas drops and rocked her until my mom came over. Evalyn was dead asleep during my moms visit and Loreli played and giggled the whole time. My mom left and there was only about half an hour until my husband was expected to walk through the door. I got up and went into the nursery to change Evalyn when all of a sudden I hear a loud noise in the kitchen. Loreli had reached and grabbed her can of crunches from the table, opened the can and 75% of it was sprawled across the kitchen floor. I finished changing Evalyn, made a new bottle for her, shrugged my shoulders and left Loreli to eat off the floor.
Let's just say that when my husband finally walked through the door around 7:20 pm I was more than happy to toss the girls his way. Thankfully he decided to give me a break and take the girls to his parents house for a little while. I can see one of the events from today happening but all of them at once... it was like being in a movie. At the end of the day all I can do is laugh.
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