True Love

You never really understand love until you have a child. Becoming a parent will test every relationship you have in life. Love between partners can either become stronger or dwindle and disappear. If the love is strong enough to make it through numerous nights of not sleeping, hormones raging and babies crying then you know it's a forever kind of love.

In the last few months my husband and I have been through quite a bit and I am extremely proud to say that today we are stronger as a couple and in our love. We have handled me being laid off from my second job in a year, giving birth to our second child in 14 months, being delayed in receiving our much anticipated and needed tax return, me going through postpartum depression, and a number of smaller events in such a short amount of time. The events we have faced in the last few months would be enough to break a person or a relationship, but we have come out stronger than ever.

I believe strongly that the presence of our children and love that we share for them are what keep our love for each other so strong. We take on each day together as a team whether the day is filled with endless screaming and tears or countless giggles and smiles. Knowing that we created these two wonderful human beings together and we spend each day working to give them the best life possible, and we do that as a team bonds us more and more each day.

When my husband and I first started dating we fell in love very quickly. We moved so fast through the life steps in our relationship (e.g. house, engagement, marriage, kids) that we didn't allow very much time to test our love and our commitment. When we first fell in love I would look at James and see the man of my dreams. Now when I look at James I see the father of my children, the provider of our family, my partner in parenting and in life.

James is no longer the man of my dreams but now my daily reality, the man of my life. Now when I look at him, I see the man who was with me every single step of the way through two pregnancies, who shared in my ups and downs. I see the man who delivered our child, who has never said no when I asked for help with late night feedings or overloaded stinky diapers. I see the man who has been my rock through times of financial difficulty, who has cried with me when it was necessary and dried my tears and picked me up when needed. When I look at the man I have devoted my life to I am proud to call him my husband.

I never really knew what love was until I had children. Having my two daughters has not only shown me true love towards my husband, it has also taught me the undying love a parent has for their child. With my oldest who is almost 16 months old, I am amazed daily by her ability to learn so fast. Every single day Loreli brightens my life whether she does it by saying a new word or spontaneously coming up with a new dance move, there is not one day that goes by that I am not fascinated by her complete love of life. Looking at Evalyn who is just shy of 2 months old fills my heart with complete happiness and love. Knowing what lays ahead for my girls, knowing that I brought these two amazing humans into the world and what they will experience... it completes me in every way.

After having Evalyn and experiencing some unexpected alterations in our plans and life, I began to notice that I was showing signs of postpartum depression. I was thinking things and feelings things I never thought or understood a mother and a wife could go through. It was an incredible struggle the first few weeks. My doctor put me on a very high dose of antidepressants, which made me like a zombie. I actually blacked out and could not remember events and things I'd said and done. Three days of that and I was done with the antidepressants. I realize that depression can be just as much chemical as it is physical, but I believe that every day I overcome the negative thinking and feeling through either exercise or being with my family. On my darkest and hardest days my husband and daughters have picked me up just with their smiles.