Just two days ago on February 18th, 2011 my brother and his wife welcomed their first child into the world. Jordan Christopher Fredendall was born at 9:58 pm central time weighing 7 pounds, 9 ounces. Finally at the age of 34 (a few weeks shy of 35) my brother who has always wanted to have children is now a daddy. Unfortunately most of my family lives in Wisconsin which is about a good 14 hour drive from our home in New York but the blessings of technology and Facebook have made it possible for us here on the east coast to share in this wonderful event.
As each passing of a day brings me that much closer to the delivery of my second child I am starting to remember all of the little things about having a newborn that are so easy to forget. My brother posted on his Facebook page this morning that Jordan is eating like a monster and he thought he broke his thumb off while trying to change his clothes. I added to the post that once Jordan is running around like a maniac he will look back on these days and miss them terribly. My brother begs to differ on that one.
I remember when I first had Loreli the world felt like it changed forever. I was in a state of euphoria and yet a tornado of emotions. As we were being discharged from the hospital, the pediatrician told me he would like to see Loreli poop on average 5-6 times a day to completely rid any jaundice. We arrived home that night around 9 pm and we were all exhausted. My mom was staying the night to help us get adjusted and sleep.
In the first 24 hours of being home my child did not poop even once. There was a state of pure panic that rushed over me, as if this were life threatening to my child. We desperately attempted to get a hold of the pediatrician and after nearly 36 hours of no poop, the doctors office finally got back to us. "It's ok if she doesn't poop for up to a week at first, we just like to see them poop as much as possible. She is fine." With those reassuring words the Poop Scare of 2009 ended.
It doesn't matter if you have a P.H.D. or never finished high school, a newborn baby can stump and push anyone to their limits. You can prepare by going to the birthing and child classes, reading books and watching all of the television shows about bringing home a baby but there is absolutely nothing that can fully prepare you. Countless hours of trying to nurse or taking turns bottle feeding, what seems like a billion diaper changes in one day and keeping the baby clean and warm all may seem like no-brain tasks, but add a complete lack of sleep or energy and a surge of raging hormones to the mix and these simple tasks quickly turn into monumental events. Sleep deprivation most definitely will take a person to a different level of being.
When all is said and done, weeks go by and you settle into a routine. You know what each cry means and you begin to feel like you've got the parenting thing down. Then the weeks turn into months and before you know it a year has gone by. Your cute little newborn baby has grown into a beautiful and curious toddler who is constantly full of energy. The nights of snuggling with that whole baby's body on your chest are gone. The hours of holding her close and simply staring are but a dream.
I am sure that life with a newborn and a toddler will prove to have many funny and trying moments. I look forward to being further educated by my children on the craziness of life. Only a few more days...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Listen To Your Body
I went to the doctor this past Monday for a scheduled NST (non-stress test) to monitor Evalyn's heart rate. My blood pressure was high and there was protein showing in my urine. Evalyn's heart rate was fine, no reason for concern there. The high blood pressure and protein had me sent to the hospital for further blood work. To top it off I had a sinus infection.
After a few hours in the hospital everything came back fine and my blood pressure had gone down but the doctor gave me strict orders to rest as much as possible and stay off of my feet. He said that he wasn't putting me on bed rest but close to it and that I needed to find someone to take care of Loreli during the days. This bummed me out because I absolutely love my time with Loreli while James is at work... especially when we cuddle for our naps. Thankfully both sets of parents were able to step up and trade days of taking care of our little toddler.
At first I found it very difficult to sit still. Having the house to myself for the first time in a long time made me want to clean and do all of the things I normally do but for once do it in silence! I was thankfully able to occupy myself with some crafts that I had wanted to do for the girls room but I still found it hard to be away from Loreli so much.
After a week of being sick and having time to myself, I was finally able to really relax today. I was feeling achy and a lot of pressure build up in my sinuses so I decided that today I most definitely needed to sit and do absolutely nothing. As I relaxed in my recliner with my favorite blanket and watched episodes of "A Baby Story," I looked down and saw my tummy rolling around. I ended up sitting there for close to an hour staring at my tummy and not paying attention to a thing around me.
As I watched the life inside me move from side to side and little feet bulge out against my skin, I took in the moment and really felt like I never wanted it to end. It took doctors orders and help from family to make me finally stop and soak in this pregnancy as a whole. I have been so busy trying to get the house clean and in order and taking care of Loreli every day that I really haven't had the chance to stop and appreciate this time with Evalyn. Any moment of quiet and rest in the last few weeks has been a chance to zonk out.
A friend of mine recently lost her baby nearly half way through her pregnancy and has been tortured with pain ever since. Here I was with life thriving inside me, healthy and almost ready to meet the world. Suddenly my physical pain was gone and all that I could feel throughout my entire body was love and happiness. Life with a toddler doesn't give you many chances to stop and smell the roses so today I am extremely thankful that I was given that chance. I've been so anxious to get this pregnancy over with and move on and now I don't want it to end!
After a few hours in the hospital everything came back fine and my blood pressure had gone down but the doctor gave me strict orders to rest as much as possible and stay off of my feet. He said that he wasn't putting me on bed rest but close to it and that I needed to find someone to take care of Loreli during the days. This bummed me out because I absolutely love my time with Loreli while James is at work... especially when we cuddle for our naps. Thankfully both sets of parents were able to step up and trade days of taking care of our little toddler.
At first I found it very difficult to sit still. Having the house to myself for the first time in a long time made me want to clean and do all of the things I normally do but for once do it in silence! I was thankfully able to occupy myself with some crafts that I had wanted to do for the girls room but I still found it hard to be away from Loreli so much.
After a week of being sick and having time to myself, I was finally able to really relax today. I was feeling achy and a lot of pressure build up in my sinuses so I decided that today I most definitely needed to sit and do absolutely nothing. As I relaxed in my recliner with my favorite blanket and watched episodes of "A Baby Story," I looked down and saw my tummy rolling around. I ended up sitting there for close to an hour staring at my tummy and not paying attention to a thing around me.
As I watched the life inside me move from side to side and little feet bulge out against my skin, I took in the moment and really felt like I never wanted it to end. It took doctors orders and help from family to make me finally stop and soak in this pregnancy as a whole. I have been so busy trying to get the house clean and in order and taking care of Loreli every day that I really haven't had the chance to stop and appreciate this time with Evalyn. Any moment of quiet and rest in the last few weeks has been a chance to zonk out.
A friend of mine recently lost her baby nearly half way through her pregnancy and has been tortured with pain ever since. Here I was with life thriving inside me, healthy and almost ready to meet the world. Suddenly my physical pain was gone and all that I could feel throughout my entire body was love and happiness. Life with a toddler doesn't give you many chances to stop and smell the roses so today I am extremely thankful that I was given that chance. I've been so anxious to get this pregnancy over with and move on and now I don't want it to end!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
My Name Is Corinne. I Am A Teen Mom Addict.
So I have a little secret. It's a little bit silly and probably a little obvious. My name is Corinne and I am addicted to MTV's show Teen Mom.
For me the initial draw into the 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom shows would be that I feel I can somehow relate. When watching 16 and Pregnant I imagine what it would have been like for me to continue my pregnancy at the age of 19. I also feel that I see so much of myself at that age and the relationship I was in. With the Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 shows I find it interesting to watch how these young moms deal with motherhood and their lives in general. That being said I feel like I HAVE TO comment on tonight's episode of Teen Mom 2!!
First there is Janelle. This young lady is obviously a party girl. She openly admits to drinking and using marijuana, staying out whenever she wants for however long she wants and not having the tools mentally, physically or financially to raise her son. Her mother continually gives her a hard time and makes drama when it is not necessary. She complains to no end on how her daughter is a dead beat mother and is useless. HELLO?! Did you not raise this girl? Who do you have to blame but yourself?!
In tonight's episode Janelle buys her son a Powerwheels Four-Wheeler for his first birthday. Her mother completely bashes Janelle's efforts to think about and do something for her son by telling her she should return the present and buy a keepsake mug with her son's name on it. She continues her babble by adding that she never bought her children presents for Christmas or their birthdays when they were little because they wouldn't remember it. Are you serious lady!? What kind of selfish tight-wad doesn't buy their children presents for this occasion?! I can understand if finances were the issue and you were to do the best you could to make the event special... but to not do ANYTHING... because YOU don't WANT to?! Wow... just wow. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means standing up for Janelle because I agree that she is a crappy mother and a useless waste of space... but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how she became the way she is!
Now on to Chelsea. This girl is all sorts of Clueless and I seriously wonder if she has even one brain cell in that head or if the hair spray has completely done away with them all. The sad thing is that of all the girls on this season's cast, I feel like she reminds me the most of me at that age. This girl wears more make up in one day than I probably wear in a whole year (now that is). Chelsea's hair is constantly in a perfect up-do and dyed to perfection. She focuses most of her attention on her daughter and seems to be a very attentive mother but she has everything handed to her on a silver platter from her father.
Chelsea's only responsibility outside of caring for her daughter is to graduate high school and continue on to a higher education (it wasn't a surprise she chose beauty school), yet she allows the drama with her relationship and friendships to take over her life. This girl doesn't have a single bill to pay, she gets to play house everyday with her boyfriend and child and she still can't seem to find the time to study and do homework. Now Chelsea's boyfriend most definitely in every mental and verbal way is an exact replica of the guy I dated my senior year and the year after high school. He also doesn't have more than one brain cell. He manipulates the people around him like some sort of magician. He has done horrible things to Chelsea and still she takes him back time after time, allowing her family and friends to become zero on her list of priorities or cares. Is this chick ever going to wake up or does someone need to seriously slap the crap out of her?! HE IS A LOSER. HE WILL ALWAYS BE A LOSER. MOVE ON!!! When your father doesn't want to be in the house when he is there and your best friend moves out and stops talking to you... whether you actually physically did something or not... TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT IS AROUND YOU!
On this season of Teen Mom 2 there are two other mothers also being followed. For now I will keep my thoughts on Leah and Kailyn for another blog. I feel I've said my peace. Good night world!
For me the initial draw into the 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom shows would be that I feel I can somehow relate. When watching 16 and Pregnant I imagine what it would have been like for me to continue my pregnancy at the age of 19. I also feel that I see so much of myself at that age and the relationship I was in. With the Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 shows I find it interesting to watch how these young moms deal with motherhood and their lives in general. That being said I feel like I HAVE TO comment on tonight's episode of Teen Mom 2!!
First there is Janelle. This young lady is obviously a party girl. She openly admits to drinking and using marijuana, staying out whenever she wants for however long she wants and not having the tools mentally, physically or financially to raise her son. Her mother continually gives her a hard time and makes drama when it is not necessary. She complains to no end on how her daughter is a dead beat mother and is useless. HELLO?! Did you not raise this girl? Who do you have to blame but yourself?!
In tonight's episode Janelle buys her son a Powerwheels Four-Wheeler for his first birthday. Her mother completely bashes Janelle's efforts to think about and do something for her son by telling her she should return the present and buy a keepsake mug with her son's name on it. She continues her babble by adding that she never bought her children presents for Christmas or their birthdays when they were little because they wouldn't remember it. Are you serious lady!? What kind of selfish tight-wad doesn't buy their children presents for this occasion?! I can understand if finances were the issue and you were to do the best you could to make the event special... but to not do ANYTHING... because YOU don't WANT to?! Wow... just wow. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means standing up for Janelle because I agree that she is a crappy mother and a useless waste of space... but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how she became the way she is!
Now on to Chelsea. This girl is all sorts of Clueless and I seriously wonder if she has even one brain cell in that head or if the hair spray has completely done away with them all. The sad thing is that of all the girls on this season's cast, I feel like she reminds me the most of me at that age. This girl wears more make up in one day than I probably wear in a whole year (now that is). Chelsea's hair is constantly in a perfect up-do and dyed to perfection. She focuses most of her attention on her daughter and seems to be a very attentive mother but she has everything handed to her on a silver platter from her father.
Chelsea's only responsibility outside of caring for her daughter is to graduate high school and continue on to a higher education (it wasn't a surprise she chose beauty school), yet she allows the drama with her relationship and friendships to take over her life. This girl doesn't have a single bill to pay, she gets to play house everyday with her boyfriend and child and she still can't seem to find the time to study and do homework. Now Chelsea's boyfriend most definitely in every mental and verbal way is an exact replica of the guy I dated my senior year and the year after high school. He also doesn't have more than one brain cell. He manipulates the people around him like some sort of magician. He has done horrible things to Chelsea and still she takes him back time after time, allowing her family and friends to become zero on her list of priorities or cares. Is this chick ever going to wake up or does someone need to seriously slap the crap out of her?! HE IS A LOSER. HE WILL ALWAYS BE A LOSER. MOVE ON!!! When your father doesn't want to be in the house when he is there and your best friend moves out and stops talking to you... whether you actually physically did something or not... TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT IS AROUND YOU!
On this season of Teen Mom 2 there are two other mothers also being followed. For now I will keep my thoughts on Leah and Kailyn for another blog. I feel I've said my peace. Good night world!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Not Every Day Is About Dancing And Giggles
Today's Facebook Update: Today has proven it will be a challenge. Let's see how I do.
Boy, calling today a challenge was an understatement. I am pretty sure what happened was I had a mental breakdown! Last night started out as any other, I fell asleep in my recliner while my husband fell asleep on the couch as we watched the X-Files on Netflix. I got up and went to bed, leaving James to rest on the couch. I usually can sleep 2-3 hours before I wake up to go to the bathroom for the first time. Once I get up and do my business I can usually zonk right back out. Sometimes I may require a few different positions with the pillows and what not. Not last night.
I slept for an hour and woke up feeling like I couldn't breathe. I went to the bathroom and back to bed, attempting my usual routine of trying to get comfortable but nothing seemed to do the trick. Evalyn's foot was high up in a rib and she was kicking with all of her force. After a night of attempting many different maneuvers and positions to move my little one around, I finally fell back to sleep around 6:30 a.m. ... only to wake up at 7:30 a.m. and realize that I had to get up for the day. My first thoughts were that I really hoped Loreli was in a good mood so the day would go by easily. Not today.
Loreli woke up at almost exactly 8:00 a.m. crabby as ever. I figured I would attempt to eat breakfast quickly before James strolled off to work but as half our dishes were dirty there was not one clean bowl or spoon to be found (James painted the nursery the day before and the fumes had seeped into the kitchen so I stayed clear of both rooms until this morning). As James showered, got the garbage out and got collected for his day of work I spent the first 45 minutes of my morning hovered over the sink (feeling like my back was going to break) doing dishes and trying to get my one year old to eat something. Loreli wasn't in the mood to eat anything... except of course a chocolate cookie. James left before the dishes were done but he was able to wash Miss Cookie Face off for me before heading out the door.
Almost two hours into my day and I had a ragging headache, my body was sore all over, I had finally cleaned up the entire kitchen (all of the nursery stuff which had been piled into the kitchen) and my daughter had successfully eaten A cookie... but I was still starving! I finally sat down to enjoy a bowl of Wheaties, juice and my pre-natal vitamin. Of course I had to shove them down my throat as fast as possible so that the former Miss Cookie Face now Miss Trouble Maker could have my undivided attention. USUALLY when I turn on her favorite Baby Einstein DVD she will sit for at least a good half hour. Not today.
The doctor advised me yesterday to drink more water so I guzzled down 2 1/2 bottles of water by noon. Of course that means that I also went to the bathroom about a million times. Each and every time I went to the bathroom Miss Trouble Maker decided to climb the barricade I created and mess with the remotes and telephone. By noon she had done this numerous times on top of climbing her Cozy Coupe (which I repeatedly told her not to)and falling over with it on top of her, lifting the vents in the floor (which I repeatedly told her not to) and throwing toys into the hole, and a list of other naughty acts.
I mentally checked out and for a brief time and became the parent I always said I would never be. I resorted to spanking... which had no effect. I resorted to screaming at the top of my lungs... which had no effect. In fact the first time I screamed, my daughter looked up at me with a blank look and continued on her way. The second time that I screamed she looked me in the eyes and laughed at me. This is when I began to cry... no, I began to sob. Why today?
Thoughts ran through my head that I never in a million years would have thought I of all people would think. I wished I wasn't a mom. I wished I never had children. I actually wished I could go to a job and have someone else raise my kid just so that I could get away. Part of me wanted to get my jacket on and walk out the door and leave her in the house alone. This was my official breakdown. James came home early from work shortly after. I cried to him and told him about the day and the thoughts that I had. I asked, "What kind of a mother thinks those things about her own child? What kind of parent screams like that at a one year old???" I told him that I felt like a failure. I don't bring in any money to the household and my one duty is to care for our daughter and I couldn't even handle that. My feelings of failure were causing me to become terrified of how I will possibly handle this with a newborn.
As I began to sob again my husband did exactly what I needed him to do in that moment. He put his arms around me and held me tight and explained to me, "The kind of mother who does that is the kind who hasn't had any sleep, who is 8 months pregnant and works too hard to keep up with herself. It's ok, it happens." James then gave me a kiss and all of my self doubt seemed to disappear.
Our one year old continued on her rampage for the day. As we went through the nursery sorting what had to go, what had to stay and where to put it, Loreli was determined to scream and moan and groan for nearly two hours straight. We tried everything from attempting to feed her all of her favorite foods (which she wanted nothing to do with... except A chocolate cookie), her diaper was changed, she didn't want to play... we didn't know what in the world to do. She wasn't showing the usual signs of teething, she hadn't eaten anything out of the ordinary in the last 24 hours that would create any sort of tummy ache... we went through the possibilities and were lost in finding an answer. After all of this screaming I was determined that she must have one hell of a headache by then and James gave her a tiny bit of Tylenol.
Shortly after receiving the Tylenol our little monster who was sitting in her Daddy's lap leaned over and fell right to sleep. Peace at last! Of course as soon as I had peace and quiet I wasn't able to fall asleep myself. I feel so incredibly guilty for how I treated my daughter today. My actions go against everything I stand for as a mother. There have been plenty of other times in which I was sleep deprived and not feeling good that I was able to calmly and rationally handle my daughters tantrums. It was rough, but I handled it. Today I most definitely flipped my lid.
As my daughter slept and I saw that devil child turn back into my sweet little angel, I thought to myself that every parent must have a moment at some point in their child's life in which they crack. This was certainly my first and more than likely in the next 20 years it won't be my last. I think that parenting is the hardest thing a person can do and I need to keep in mind that it is my 24/7 job.
My husband was understanding enough to excuse my behavior and come home and help out today but I can't let this happen again. I need to find a way to center myself, put my own physical discomforts aside and focus on why my child behaves the way that she does. More importantly I think that I cannot go into the arrival of my second child with any fear of failure in caring for two on my own because that is only setting myself up to do exactly that... fail. Today I reached my weakest point and I need to do my best to not look back.
Boy, calling today a challenge was an understatement. I am pretty sure what happened was I had a mental breakdown! Last night started out as any other, I fell asleep in my recliner while my husband fell asleep on the couch as we watched the X-Files on Netflix. I got up and went to bed, leaving James to rest on the couch. I usually can sleep 2-3 hours before I wake up to go to the bathroom for the first time. Once I get up and do my business I can usually zonk right back out. Sometimes I may require a few different positions with the pillows and what not. Not last night.
I slept for an hour and woke up feeling like I couldn't breathe. I went to the bathroom and back to bed, attempting my usual routine of trying to get comfortable but nothing seemed to do the trick. Evalyn's foot was high up in a rib and she was kicking with all of her force. After a night of attempting many different maneuvers and positions to move my little one around, I finally fell back to sleep around 6:30 a.m. ... only to wake up at 7:30 a.m. and realize that I had to get up for the day. My first thoughts were that I really hoped Loreli was in a good mood so the day would go by easily. Not today.
Loreli woke up at almost exactly 8:00 a.m. crabby as ever. I figured I would attempt to eat breakfast quickly before James strolled off to work but as half our dishes were dirty there was not one clean bowl or spoon to be found (James painted the nursery the day before and the fumes had seeped into the kitchen so I stayed clear of both rooms until this morning). As James showered, got the garbage out and got collected for his day of work I spent the first 45 minutes of my morning hovered over the sink (feeling like my back was going to break) doing dishes and trying to get my one year old to eat something. Loreli wasn't in the mood to eat anything... except of course a chocolate cookie. James left before the dishes were done but he was able to wash Miss Cookie Face off for me before heading out the door.
Almost two hours into my day and I had a ragging headache, my body was sore all over, I had finally cleaned up the entire kitchen (all of the nursery stuff which had been piled into the kitchen) and my daughter had successfully eaten A cookie... but I was still starving! I finally sat down to enjoy a bowl of Wheaties, juice and my pre-natal vitamin. Of course I had to shove them down my throat as fast as possible so that the former Miss Cookie Face now Miss Trouble Maker could have my undivided attention. USUALLY when I turn on her favorite Baby Einstein DVD she will sit for at least a good half hour. Not today.
The doctor advised me yesterday to drink more water so I guzzled down 2 1/2 bottles of water by noon. Of course that means that I also went to the bathroom about a million times. Each and every time I went to the bathroom Miss Trouble Maker decided to climb the barricade I created and mess with the remotes and telephone. By noon she had done this numerous times on top of climbing her Cozy Coupe (which I repeatedly told her not to)and falling over with it on top of her, lifting the vents in the floor (which I repeatedly told her not to) and throwing toys into the hole, and a list of other naughty acts.
I mentally checked out and for a brief time and became the parent I always said I would never be. I resorted to spanking... which had no effect. I resorted to screaming at the top of my lungs... which had no effect. In fact the first time I screamed, my daughter looked up at me with a blank look and continued on her way. The second time that I screamed she looked me in the eyes and laughed at me. This is when I began to cry... no, I began to sob. Why today?
Thoughts ran through my head that I never in a million years would have thought I of all people would think. I wished I wasn't a mom. I wished I never had children. I actually wished I could go to a job and have someone else raise my kid just so that I could get away. Part of me wanted to get my jacket on and walk out the door and leave her in the house alone. This was my official breakdown. James came home early from work shortly after. I cried to him and told him about the day and the thoughts that I had. I asked, "What kind of a mother thinks those things about her own child? What kind of parent screams like that at a one year old???" I told him that I felt like a failure. I don't bring in any money to the household and my one duty is to care for our daughter and I couldn't even handle that. My feelings of failure were causing me to become terrified of how I will possibly handle this with a newborn.
As I began to sob again my husband did exactly what I needed him to do in that moment. He put his arms around me and held me tight and explained to me, "The kind of mother who does that is the kind who hasn't had any sleep, who is 8 months pregnant and works too hard to keep up with herself. It's ok, it happens." James then gave me a kiss and all of my self doubt seemed to disappear.
Our one year old continued on her rampage for the day. As we went through the nursery sorting what had to go, what had to stay and where to put it, Loreli was determined to scream and moan and groan for nearly two hours straight. We tried everything from attempting to feed her all of her favorite foods (which she wanted nothing to do with... except A chocolate cookie), her diaper was changed, she didn't want to play... we didn't know what in the world to do. She wasn't showing the usual signs of teething, she hadn't eaten anything out of the ordinary in the last 24 hours that would create any sort of tummy ache... we went through the possibilities and were lost in finding an answer. After all of this screaming I was determined that she must have one hell of a headache by then and James gave her a tiny bit of Tylenol.
Shortly after receiving the Tylenol our little monster who was sitting in her Daddy's lap leaned over and fell right to sleep. Peace at last! Of course as soon as I had peace and quiet I wasn't able to fall asleep myself. I feel so incredibly guilty for how I treated my daughter today. My actions go against everything I stand for as a mother. There have been plenty of other times in which I was sleep deprived and not feeling good that I was able to calmly and rationally handle my daughters tantrums. It was rough, but I handled it. Today I most definitely flipped my lid.
As my daughter slept and I saw that devil child turn back into my sweet little angel, I thought to myself that every parent must have a moment at some point in their child's life in which they crack. This was certainly my first and more than likely in the next 20 years it won't be my last. I think that parenting is the hardest thing a person can do and I need to keep in mind that it is my 24/7 job.
My husband was understanding enough to excuse my behavior and come home and help out today but I can't let this happen again. I need to find a way to center myself, put my own physical discomforts aside and focus on why my child behaves the way that she does. More importantly I think that I cannot go into the arrival of my second child with any fear of failure in caring for two on my own because that is only setting myself up to do exactly that... fail. Today I reached my weakest point and I need to do my best to not look back.
Friday, February 4, 2011
How Motherhood Has REALLY Changed My Life
*Ok I lied before... here goes another long one!*
Hello World,
As I mentioned in my last blog entry I am expecting my second daughter who is due now in 31 days! During this entire pregnancy I have felt an array of emotions. So many emotions have been felt that I don't know where to begin on the subject.
When I stated in my last blog that if I had been told at the age of 20 that four years later I would be married with children I would have thought it crazy, that wasn't an understatement. My roughest year of growing up was the year I was 19. As 2005 began I was living at home with my parents working two full-time jobs. My on-again off-again boyfriend who was a year younger than I was and still in high school was living with us. We fought often and towards the end of January had split up yet again.
The relationship was not one to be proud of but taught me an extreme amount of life lessons. In over two years of being together (at that point it had been a year) he constantly lied to me and about me, cheated on me with not only girls years younger but also my friends and stole money from me on a regular basis. Looking back on the situation I can only sum up the explanation of being "young and dumb" as to why I repeatedly took him back. I think now that it was the want to over come his rejection, a refusal to believe it that kept him in my life.
February of 2005 went by quite fast. I started hanging out with a lot of my friends I had previously abandoned and got back into the swing of being a regular teenage girl again. I signed up for college and was to begin classes at Buffalo State College in the fall. Suddenly an event no one could have predicted changed not only my world but the world of nearly everyone in the little town I lived in. The guy I had dated previous to this last relationship passed away from a drug overdose.
Al had just returned home from boot camp and was eagerly looking forward to his future in the military. In the few years that I had known him he had always had a problem with substance abuse, in fact it had been the main reason our relationship ended 9 months in. We had our own battles in our senior year of high school but he had always been that first boy I really sincerely thought I loved. Al's body was the first I had ever seen to lay in a coffin. To this day the images of that week are as clear as yesterday.
The tragedy our town faced brought my ex boyfriend right back into my life. A week after the funeral which was also a week before my 19th birthday I found out that I was pregnant. I had never been more terrified and depressed in my entire life. The reality of my situation in my relationship finally hit me and I knew there was no way that I wanted to be tied to such a negative person for the rest of my life. I was terrified to tell my parents and I didn't want anyone except my best friend to know.
As the days went by my mother guessed my secret. She and I have been close my entire life so I knew there wasn't a chance in hell I would be able to keep this from her for long. My boyfriend was just as terrified as I was. He was in his senior year of high school and set to go to D'Youville in the fall. Right from the beginning he insisted on abortion. This was an option I had always been open to as a choice for women but never thought that I myself would be able to do it.
I began to do as much research as I could. In my heart I felt that adoption would be the best route for everyone in the situation. My mother, who had me young stood by me and supported me every step of the way. My boyfriend left me yet again... this time for a 14 year old. He started telling everyone in town that I was pregnant and that the baby wasn't his, spreading rumors that I was promiscuous. Weakness overcame me and at 9 1/2 weeks pregnant on April 9th 2005, I aborted my first child.
The clinic was filled with teenage men and women. There was no counseling done, no chance to see the ultrasound or heartbeat. In and out in just a few hours and I had taken a life which never asked to be created in the first place. This was yet another day in 2005 that haunts me still as if it were yesterday.
For me 2005 continued with more hurdles that were difficult to overcome. As depression set heavy into my mind I began to make careless decisions. I went off to college and explored different avenues of "dealing" with my pain. I felt lost in the world and found myself yet again in another relationship which I allowed to steer the direction of my life. The next two years were up and down for me, filled with many life lessons.
In 2008 I found my soul mate. When James walked into my life he changed everything for me. I still struggled with depression and the haunting of my past but I was finally able to see a bright future ahead. As I stated in my previous blog we moved quickly and literally the day after our one year anniversary we found out that we were expecting our first child. This time I was still terrified of what was ahead but I knew in my heart that this was the right thing to happen, that James would be a wonderful father and that this baby was going to change my life.
I had a difficult pregnancy with Loreli not because of complications but because I could no longer take my depression medication. I felt completely out of control when it came to my emotions. I was terrified of the fact that I had no idea what type of mother I would be. I struggled with the guilt of enjoying the pregnancy at all knowing what I had done a few years earlier. All of my anxiety and built up feelings caused me to lash out and there was plenty of drama with my in-laws as a result. Looking back on things I know that things I said and did were wrong and if I were asked today why I felt the way I did then, I wouldn't be able to give an answer. I certainly didn't make things easy on anyone at the time as I refused to admit the true cause of my emotional state to anyone but James.
Things eventually calmed down with my in-laws and as the day of Loreli's arrival came closer we all became more and more anxious. My due date was January 6th, 2010 and I had been worried throughout my pregnancy that I would end up having a Christmas baby. I wanted my daughter to have a day all her own. Christmas day came and we spent it with James' family. I was nervous because I was starting to dilate and wanted to be able to celebrate Christmas with my parents. The day after Christmas came and went as we opened gifts and ate yummy food with my mom and dad and then that night the contractions began.
Hours later at the hospital we were finally given the confirmation that I was in labor. This was it, no turning back. I was still completely terrified of becoming a mother and the reality that it was actually happening right then and there caused me to go on an adrenaline high. James will vouch that to this day there was another person in that delivery room, something overcame me with a strength and determination that I've never had.
I was 15 hours into labor and the contractions were coming with full force but I wasn't dilating. Pitocin given to me through my IV was intensifying the pain and so I finally asked for an epidural. The relief was wonderful and I was able to enjoy the company of visitors. As time went on the epidural began to fade and it was finally time to push. My husband and mother were right beside me but something in me wanted my mother in law there also. My husband called his mother and she arrived in the delivery room just in time for my pushing.
Two hours later Loreli came into the world from head to toe in one single push. I had ripped pretty badly and stitching took about an hour. As I had felt everything in the last hours of delivery, I felt every single stitch being made. My mother held my left hand while my mother in law held my right hand and my husband held our daughter for the first time. It was an incredible night of bonding and support between my husband and I and our mothers. When I was finally done being stitched, my mother handed Loreli to me. I was swollen from head to toe, broken out in a rash, exhausted, sweaty and in so much pain... but that was the best, most incredible moment of my entire life.
From the moment I saw my daughters beautiful face and held her tiny little body in my arms, I was changed forever. From that day on I haven't had an ounce of depression or need for medication. Loreli is now just over 13 months old and we have still encountered our share of life struggles in the last year, but with her birth I found my strength. I can now handle obstacles head on with pure courage. My husband and I are a team, a unit which cannot be broken.
When we found out that we were expecting another child, we were both shocked. We knew that once Loreli was a year old we wanted to start trying for another baby, so by all means Evalyn has always been wanted. Just as with everything else about our relationship, my husband and I plan for things and they happen much sooner than expected. We have learned to accept that life just can't be planned out.
With this pregnancy I wanted to savor and cherish every possible moment. When I was pregnant with Loreli there were more downs than ups. Now that I am confident in my abilities as a mother and I know more of what to expect, I have been able to enjoy more with this pregnancy. In the beginning I still had moments of guilt. I felt that it was selfish of me to enjoy being pregnant and celebrating the creation of another life when I so foolishly took that chance away from another years ago. Somehow I have found a peace and forgiveness for my past decisions. I still feel sadness and mourning for the life I let go but I know that if I had not made that decision, I wouldn't be where I am today. I never would have met my soul mate, my wonderful daughter Loreli wouldn't be in the world, and I wouldn't have this bundle of love moving around my belly right now.
My life could have gone down so many different paths. I am grateful every single day for the life that I have as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an in-law, and a friend. I wouldn't change one thing right now and I am so incredibly excited for Evalyn to arrive.
Hello World,
As I mentioned in my last blog entry I am expecting my second daughter who is due now in 31 days! During this entire pregnancy I have felt an array of emotions. So many emotions have been felt that I don't know where to begin on the subject.
When I stated in my last blog that if I had been told at the age of 20 that four years later I would be married with children I would have thought it crazy, that wasn't an understatement. My roughest year of growing up was the year I was 19. As 2005 began I was living at home with my parents working two full-time jobs. My on-again off-again boyfriend who was a year younger than I was and still in high school was living with us. We fought often and towards the end of January had split up yet again.
The relationship was not one to be proud of but taught me an extreme amount of life lessons. In over two years of being together (at that point it had been a year) he constantly lied to me and about me, cheated on me with not only girls years younger but also my friends and stole money from me on a regular basis. Looking back on the situation I can only sum up the explanation of being "young and dumb" as to why I repeatedly took him back. I think now that it was the want to over come his rejection, a refusal to believe it that kept him in my life.
February of 2005 went by quite fast. I started hanging out with a lot of my friends I had previously abandoned and got back into the swing of being a regular teenage girl again. I signed up for college and was to begin classes at Buffalo State College in the fall. Suddenly an event no one could have predicted changed not only my world but the world of nearly everyone in the little town I lived in. The guy I had dated previous to this last relationship passed away from a drug overdose.
Al had just returned home from boot camp and was eagerly looking forward to his future in the military. In the few years that I had known him he had always had a problem with substance abuse, in fact it had been the main reason our relationship ended 9 months in. We had our own battles in our senior year of high school but he had always been that first boy I really sincerely thought I loved. Al's body was the first I had ever seen to lay in a coffin. To this day the images of that week are as clear as yesterday.
The tragedy our town faced brought my ex boyfriend right back into my life. A week after the funeral which was also a week before my 19th birthday I found out that I was pregnant. I had never been more terrified and depressed in my entire life. The reality of my situation in my relationship finally hit me and I knew there was no way that I wanted to be tied to such a negative person for the rest of my life. I was terrified to tell my parents and I didn't want anyone except my best friend to know.
As the days went by my mother guessed my secret. She and I have been close my entire life so I knew there wasn't a chance in hell I would be able to keep this from her for long. My boyfriend was just as terrified as I was. He was in his senior year of high school and set to go to D'Youville in the fall. Right from the beginning he insisted on abortion. This was an option I had always been open to as a choice for women but never thought that I myself would be able to do it.
I began to do as much research as I could. In my heart I felt that adoption would be the best route for everyone in the situation. My mother, who had me young stood by me and supported me every step of the way. My boyfriend left me yet again... this time for a 14 year old. He started telling everyone in town that I was pregnant and that the baby wasn't his, spreading rumors that I was promiscuous. Weakness overcame me and at 9 1/2 weeks pregnant on April 9th 2005, I aborted my first child.
The clinic was filled with teenage men and women. There was no counseling done, no chance to see the ultrasound or heartbeat. In and out in just a few hours and I had taken a life which never asked to be created in the first place. This was yet another day in 2005 that haunts me still as if it were yesterday.
For me 2005 continued with more hurdles that were difficult to overcome. As depression set heavy into my mind I began to make careless decisions. I went off to college and explored different avenues of "dealing" with my pain. I felt lost in the world and found myself yet again in another relationship which I allowed to steer the direction of my life. The next two years were up and down for me, filled with many life lessons.
In 2008 I found my soul mate. When James walked into my life he changed everything for me. I still struggled with depression and the haunting of my past but I was finally able to see a bright future ahead. As I stated in my previous blog we moved quickly and literally the day after our one year anniversary we found out that we were expecting our first child. This time I was still terrified of what was ahead but I knew in my heart that this was the right thing to happen, that James would be a wonderful father and that this baby was going to change my life.
I had a difficult pregnancy with Loreli not because of complications but because I could no longer take my depression medication. I felt completely out of control when it came to my emotions. I was terrified of the fact that I had no idea what type of mother I would be. I struggled with the guilt of enjoying the pregnancy at all knowing what I had done a few years earlier. All of my anxiety and built up feelings caused me to lash out and there was plenty of drama with my in-laws as a result. Looking back on things I know that things I said and did were wrong and if I were asked today why I felt the way I did then, I wouldn't be able to give an answer. I certainly didn't make things easy on anyone at the time as I refused to admit the true cause of my emotional state to anyone but James.
Things eventually calmed down with my in-laws and as the day of Loreli's arrival came closer we all became more and more anxious. My due date was January 6th, 2010 and I had been worried throughout my pregnancy that I would end up having a Christmas baby. I wanted my daughter to have a day all her own. Christmas day came and we spent it with James' family. I was nervous because I was starting to dilate and wanted to be able to celebrate Christmas with my parents. The day after Christmas came and went as we opened gifts and ate yummy food with my mom and dad and then that night the contractions began.
Hours later at the hospital we were finally given the confirmation that I was in labor. This was it, no turning back. I was still completely terrified of becoming a mother and the reality that it was actually happening right then and there caused me to go on an adrenaline high. James will vouch that to this day there was another person in that delivery room, something overcame me with a strength and determination that I've never had.
I was 15 hours into labor and the contractions were coming with full force but I wasn't dilating. Pitocin given to me through my IV was intensifying the pain and so I finally asked for an epidural. The relief was wonderful and I was able to enjoy the company of visitors. As time went on the epidural began to fade and it was finally time to push. My husband and mother were right beside me but something in me wanted my mother in law there also. My husband called his mother and she arrived in the delivery room just in time for my pushing.
Two hours later Loreli came into the world from head to toe in one single push. I had ripped pretty badly and stitching took about an hour. As I had felt everything in the last hours of delivery, I felt every single stitch being made. My mother held my left hand while my mother in law held my right hand and my husband held our daughter for the first time. It was an incredible night of bonding and support between my husband and I and our mothers. When I was finally done being stitched, my mother handed Loreli to me. I was swollen from head to toe, broken out in a rash, exhausted, sweaty and in so much pain... but that was the best, most incredible moment of my entire life.
From the moment I saw my daughters beautiful face and held her tiny little body in my arms, I was changed forever. From that day on I haven't had an ounce of depression or need for medication. Loreli is now just over 13 months old and we have still encountered our share of life struggles in the last year, but with her birth I found my strength. I can now handle obstacles head on with pure courage. My husband and I are a team, a unit which cannot be broken.
When we found out that we were expecting another child, we were both shocked. We knew that once Loreli was a year old we wanted to start trying for another baby, so by all means Evalyn has always been wanted. Just as with everything else about our relationship, my husband and I plan for things and they happen much sooner than expected. We have learned to accept that life just can't be planned out.
With this pregnancy I wanted to savor and cherish every possible moment. When I was pregnant with Loreli there were more downs than ups. Now that I am confident in my abilities as a mother and I know more of what to expect, I have been able to enjoy more with this pregnancy. In the beginning I still had moments of guilt. I felt that it was selfish of me to enjoy being pregnant and celebrating the creation of another life when I so foolishly took that chance away from another years ago. Somehow I have found a peace and forgiveness for my past decisions. I still feel sadness and mourning for the life I let go but I know that if I had not made that decision, I wouldn't be where I am today. I never would have met my soul mate, my wonderful daughter Loreli wouldn't be in the world, and I wouldn't have this bundle of love moving around my belly right now.
My life could have gone down so many different paths. I am grateful every single day for the life that I have as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an in-law, and a friend. I wouldn't change one thing right now and I am so incredibly excited for Evalyn to arrive.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
First Blog! Warning- Super Long!
*As this is my first blog and I dabbled into introducing *me*, it is extremely long. I don't foresee future blogs being so lengthy.* :)
Hello World,
I am going to use this blog as my new diary. Seeing how this is a website which is being made for public view, I won't get too detailed on some subjects and there may be parts of my life that I leave out but for the most part I would like to use this to get out my daily thoughts. I usually post "status updates" on Facebook but as a stay at home mother and wife there are far too many thoughts which run through my head on a daily basis and sadly my one year old is not yet into intellectual conversation.
The thought of a blog came to me today as I was cooking dinner (apple braised chicken from scratch, yum!), listening to classic rock on the radio and dancing in the kitchen with my daughter. Thinking that moment in time was so untouchable and timeless made me want to scream to the world how happy I was right then and there. There are so many positive and negative aspects to everyday life and so many thoughts to be discussed, why not start a blog?
So with my first entry I will talk a little about who I am and also about my day. I am a 24 year old woman who is very happily married and the mother of the most wonderful one year old girl, Loreli. I am currently expecting my second daughter, Evalyn who is due March 7th (32 days from today!). Currently I am not working and enjoying quality time with my family.
If someone had told me when I was 20 years old that in four years I would be married with children and be a very domesticated housewife/stay at home mom I would have laughed in their face! Growing up I was very independent and always felt that I had a strong purpose in life, that I was meant to be well known and make a huge impact on the world. I envied people in careers both creative (desert chef) and legal (lawyer) and dreamed of becoming a famous singer or actress. Whatever it was that I was going to "grow up to be," I knew it was going to something amazing.
I followed my heart instead of my brain as I ventured into the "real" world on my own. I allowed my romantic relationships to take over my life path and soon lost sight of my big dreams. At the age of 22 I found myself single, living in a small town where I knew hardly anyone and working at a full-time desk job that I did well at but was not in the least satisfied. I began thinking about where I wanted to go in life and making serious plans to get there. And then I met the man of my dreams. Ah yes, another romantic relationship to take hold of my path in life... but at this point I had sworn off changing my life goals for a man.
James and I moved quickly through our relationship. We bought a house after only dating for five months, we were engaged eight months into our relationship and found out we were pregnant with our first child the day after our one year anniversary. There is no doubt about it that this man swept me off of my feet and completely changed my life. When I fell in love, I knew it instantly. Suddenly the rest of the world did not exist and all that I wanted was to create a life with him. What I did to make money no longer defined who I was. I became his other half, his partner for life.
Becoming a mother undoubtedly completed my transformation from independent woman to domesticated housewife. I'm sure there will be more than a handful of times that I write about the effect motherhood has had on me but to sum it up quickly... the moment my daughter was placed into my arms for the first time was the moment my world changed. From then on I wanted to make our home beautiful and sanitary (every inch of it), create delicious and healthy meals to fill my loved ones bellies, and spend every possible moment with the two people I love the most.
And so here I sit... an extremely domesticated, obsessively clean, someones other half, baby wearing cloth diaper using housewife. My favorite parts of the day are giggling with my daughter, making brownies from scratch, eating dinner with my husband and that moment right before bed when I turn all of the lights off and get to admire the cleanliness and beauty of the house we have made a home.
Now on to my day...
This morning as I laid in bed I was so incredibly comfortable. I don't get very many moments like that being that I am eight months pregnant. I had just had one of the very rare nights of solid sleep and I absolutely did not want it to end. Then the lovely "rhinitis of pregnancy" kicked in as it does every single morning and I rushed to the bathroom as I gagged. Yep, eight months in and I still yak every morning. "Rhinitis of pregnancy" is a lovely pregnancy symptom in which the mucus in my nose has multiplied and my sinuses are swollen. Every morning as soon as I wake up I quickly hop into a hot shower and allow the steam to help me alleviate my gag reflex.
Feeling and smelling clean and ready for the day, it was quickly time for my husband to leave for work. I usually naturally wake up just in time to shower, get dressed and make the bed right before he heads out the door. My daughter Loreli was waiting with smiles and giggles, ready to start our day as usual. The morning and afternoon was like any other. I gave my daughter breakfast, washed the dishes in the sink, cleaned off the accumulation of objects from the table, thoroughly wiped down the high chair and swept the floor. After breakfast I put in a load of laundry, straightened up the living room and office and dusted while my daughter watched Baby Einstein (what I like to think of as baby crack) and played with her billions of toys.
As soon as I was done straightening the house and felt settled for the day it was time for lunch. Again I multi-tasked and as I fed my daughter chicken nuggets (two pieces at a time so she doesn't shove it all in her mouth, chew and then spit it out) I too managed to get down my own lunch. Another thorough wipe down of the high chair and sweeping of the kitchen floor and we were finally ready to play. Loreli and I played for a good two hours. I have been trying to teach her to count. She has yet to say the number one but knows that right after one comes two and three. I figure if I repeat the things I'm trying to teach her as much as possible then she will remember them. It gets a little repetitive and is not so entertaining to an adult but I think it's working.
Finally came one of the best parts of the day... nap time. While Loreli is still an only child I have been trying to soak up every single moment of our alone time as possible. I take every chance I can to snuggle close to her during nap time. I love to sit and admire her beauty and existence. Even at a year old I still can't believe she is my daughter, that she came from me. Sometimes I manage to snooze with her for a bit but today was not a day I was able to zonk out.
When Loreli woke up I treasured and locked away the moments of smiles and hugs I received. Loreli then got the rest of her lunch while I began cooking dinner. When she was finished eating (more like a little pre-dinner snack), she brought half her toys from the living room into the kitchen (because she can't ever be more than two feet away from me) and began playing. I made my favorite dish, apple braised chicken. We had eaten this a few times before when I was on the Weight Watchers diet but my husband had always made it, I hadn't ever ventured into attempting it myself.
Two hours later the apple braised chicken and green beans were done, Loreli had just eaten her dinner (mac and cheese and blueberry yogurt), and my husband walked through the door. After dinner I did the dishes and my usual after meal clean down of the kitchen. I then boiled cloth diaper inserts while my husband worked on fixing the cracks in the nursery door. My final task of the night was to start my second "nesting" project, which is to clean and reorganize the bathroom. Since we have to wait for our tax return to redo the nursery and really get ready for Evalyn's arrival, I have been making it a point to clean and organize every other room.
It's amazing what one can find in a drawer or cupboard after not looking in it for nearly three years. I found boxes of pads and tampons completely covered in dust (in two years I have only had one period since I've had back to back pregnancies), ovulation test strips and fertility vitamins (all of which were expired and thrown out... I don't think we need any more assistance with procreating!). On the plus side I was able to collect enough to have my shower bag ready for the hospital. As my body began screaming at me I gave the cleaning a rest for today.
And so that was my day today. It's pretty much how every day goes. To someone on the outside it may seem monotonous and dull but for me everyday is the best day of my life. I take complete pleasure in the simple and little things of life.
Hello World,
I am going to use this blog as my new diary. Seeing how this is a website which is being made for public view, I won't get too detailed on some subjects and there may be parts of my life that I leave out but for the most part I would like to use this to get out my daily thoughts. I usually post "status updates" on Facebook but as a stay at home mother and wife there are far too many thoughts which run through my head on a daily basis and sadly my one year old is not yet into intellectual conversation.
The thought of a blog came to me today as I was cooking dinner (apple braised chicken from scratch, yum!), listening to classic rock on the radio and dancing in the kitchen with my daughter. Thinking that moment in time was so untouchable and timeless made me want to scream to the world how happy I was right then and there. There are so many positive and negative aspects to everyday life and so many thoughts to be discussed, why not start a blog?
So with my first entry I will talk a little about who I am and also about my day. I am a 24 year old woman who is very happily married and the mother of the most wonderful one year old girl, Loreli. I am currently expecting my second daughter, Evalyn who is due March 7th (32 days from today!). Currently I am not working and enjoying quality time with my family.
If someone had told me when I was 20 years old that in four years I would be married with children and be a very domesticated housewife/stay at home mom I would have laughed in their face! Growing up I was very independent and always felt that I had a strong purpose in life, that I was meant to be well known and make a huge impact on the world. I envied people in careers both creative (desert chef) and legal (lawyer) and dreamed of becoming a famous singer or actress. Whatever it was that I was going to "grow up to be," I knew it was going to something amazing.
I followed my heart instead of my brain as I ventured into the "real" world on my own. I allowed my romantic relationships to take over my life path and soon lost sight of my big dreams. At the age of 22 I found myself single, living in a small town where I knew hardly anyone and working at a full-time desk job that I did well at but was not in the least satisfied. I began thinking about where I wanted to go in life and making serious plans to get there. And then I met the man of my dreams. Ah yes, another romantic relationship to take hold of my path in life... but at this point I had sworn off changing my life goals for a man.
James and I moved quickly through our relationship. We bought a house after only dating for five months, we were engaged eight months into our relationship and found out we were pregnant with our first child the day after our one year anniversary. There is no doubt about it that this man swept me off of my feet and completely changed my life. When I fell in love, I knew it instantly. Suddenly the rest of the world did not exist and all that I wanted was to create a life with him. What I did to make money no longer defined who I was. I became his other half, his partner for life.
Becoming a mother undoubtedly completed my transformation from independent woman to domesticated housewife. I'm sure there will be more than a handful of times that I write about the effect motherhood has had on me but to sum it up quickly... the moment my daughter was placed into my arms for the first time was the moment my world changed. From then on I wanted to make our home beautiful and sanitary (every inch of it), create delicious and healthy meals to fill my loved ones bellies, and spend every possible moment with the two people I love the most.
And so here I sit... an extremely domesticated, obsessively clean, someones other half, baby wearing cloth diaper using housewife. My favorite parts of the day are giggling with my daughter, making brownies from scratch, eating dinner with my husband and that moment right before bed when I turn all of the lights off and get to admire the cleanliness and beauty of the house we have made a home.
Now on to my day...
This morning as I laid in bed I was so incredibly comfortable. I don't get very many moments like that being that I am eight months pregnant. I had just had one of the very rare nights of solid sleep and I absolutely did not want it to end. Then the lovely "rhinitis of pregnancy" kicked in as it does every single morning and I rushed to the bathroom as I gagged. Yep, eight months in and I still yak every morning. "Rhinitis of pregnancy" is a lovely pregnancy symptom in which the mucus in my nose has multiplied and my sinuses are swollen. Every morning as soon as I wake up I quickly hop into a hot shower and allow the steam to help me alleviate my gag reflex.
Feeling and smelling clean and ready for the day, it was quickly time for my husband to leave for work. I usually naturally wake up just in time to shower, get dressed and make the bed right before he heads out the door. My daughter Loreli was waiting with smiles and giggles, ready to start our day as usual. The morning and afternoon was like any other. I gave my daughter breakfast, washed the dishes in the sink, cleaned off the accumulation of objects from the table, thoroughly wiped down the high chair and swept the floor. After breakfast I put in a load of laundry, straightened up the living room and office and dusted while my daughter watched Baby Einstein (what I like to think of as baby crack) and played with her billions of toys.
As soon as I was done straightening the house and felt settled for the day it was time for lunch. Again I multi-tasked and as I fed my daughter chicken nuggets (two pieces at a time so she doesn't shove it all in her mouth, chew and then spit it out) I too managed to get down my own lunch. Another thorough wipe down of the high chair and sweeping of the kitchen floor and we were finally ready to play. Loreli and I played for a good two hours. I have been trying to teach her to count. She has yet to say the number one but knows that right after one comes two and three. I figure if I repeat the things I'm trying to teach her as much as possible then she will remember them. It gets a little repetitive and is not so entertaining to an adult but I think it's working.
Finally came one of the best parts of the day... nap time. While Loreli is still an only child I have been trying to soak up every single moment of our alone time as possible. I take every chance I can to snuggle close to her during nap time. I love to sit and admire her beauty and existence. Even at a year old I still can't believe she is my daughter, that she came from me. Sometimes I manage to snooze with her for a bit but today was not a day I was able to zonk out.
When Loreli woke up I treasured and locked away the moments of smiles and hugs I received. Loreli then got the rest of her lunch while I began cooking dinner. When she was finished eating (more like a little pre-dinner snack), she brought half her toys from the living room into the kitchen (because she can't ever be more than two feet away from me) and began playing. I made my favorite dish, apple braised chicken. We had eaten this a few times before when I was on the Weight Watchers diet but my husband had always made it, I hadn't ever ventured into attempting it myself.
Two hours later the apple braised chicken and green beans were done, Loreli had just eaten her dinner (mac and cheese and blueberry yogurt), and my husband walked through the door. After dinner I did the dishes and my usual after meal clean down of the kitchen. I then boiled cloth diaper inserts while my husband worked on fixing the cracks in the nursery door. My final task of the night was to start my second "nesting" project, which is to clean and reorganize the bathroom. Since we have to wait for our tax return to redo the nursery and really get ready for Evalyn's arrival, I have been making it a point to clean and organize every other room.
It's amazing what one can find in a drawer or cupboard after not looking in it for nearly three years. I found boxes of pads and tampons completely covered in dust (in two years I have only had one period since I've had back to back pregnancies), ovulation test strips and fertility vitamins (all of which were expired and thrown out... I don't think we need any more assistance with procreating!). On the plus side I was able to collect enough to have my shower bag ready for the hospital. As my body began screaming at me I gave the cleaning a rest for today.
And so that was my day today. It's pretty much how every day goes. To someone on the outside it may seem monotonous and dull but for me everyday is the best day of my life. I take complete pleasure in the simple and little things of life.
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